On addiction to sin

"What made you crash?"

"It's always the same. When you're an addict you can lose it any time, any place, for any reason. They haven't designed a wagon that can hold me. I'm an addict, Bro, plain and simple....Last night it was booze and beer, same tonight, same tomorrow. By the end of the week I'll be doing nastier stuff."

"Do you want to?"

"No, but I know what happens"

This is a conversation between Ray and Forrest, two brothers in the book 'The Summons' by John Grisham. As you may have deduced Forrest is an addict. The previous day he learned of the death of his father and he knows the depths of his addiction that will ensue over the course of the next few days/weeks.

By nature we are all very much like Forrest. However we may not addicted to something well known for its addictive properties such as alcohol, tabacco or drugs, etc. We are addicted to pleasing ourselves.

Looking back over my life in recent times I have started to spot the kind of prompts that make me 'lose it', as Forrest puts it in the conversation. One in particular is lack of sleep. I have found recently that for me "tiredness kills" (as the motorway roadsigns warn us). I've always been the kind of person to think I can just plough on through my tiredness. I tend to think I can stay up later and watch tele when already tired or do whatever it is I may be doing because being more tired tomorrow doesn't matter that much does it?

But it turns out it does matter. It matters spiritually. I find I am more likely to actively and knowingly walk with God when I am regularly in His word and in prayer. So the obvious flip side of that is that when I regularly not reading the Bible and regularly not seeking Him in prayer I am more likely to wander off into temptation unguarded. When I am tired I do not fight temptation so vigorously. When I am tired I do not make Bible study and prayer a priority. I make 'rest' a priority.

On Saturday I went to see the mighty Swansea City defeat Premiership Portsmouth in the FA Cup on their own ground. It was a great day out, spent with some top lads in glorious January weather with fantastic football before us. But I did all the driving in one day. So obviously Sunday I was shattered. In my mind it was well worth it for such a great day out. But let's look at some facts. Did I make time for a quiet time that day? Well I got up as late as possible (6am - we were leaving Swansea at 7) and then got in exhausted at 10.15pm. Has following the Lord been normal, easier or harder since Saturday? Much harder.

I was reading a good friend's prayer letter on Wednesday and in it he talked about 'being deliberate in our discipleship'. I think for me I need to make some of those revolutionary decisions to not put 'a great day out' or a great experience or anything like that before what will most help me follow God.

Also it means making the decision to ensure I get enough sleep each day so I am awake and ready to fight the good fight of faith each and every day.

So if you see me ask me how my sleep is! Cheers